2008 Woodie Awards
Maybe It's Time To Rethink The Way You Think
Ashley Van Sipma
Issue date: 3/18/08 Section: Outside the Bubble
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"OMG you're so retarded.
"I can't figure out this answer."
"Are you retarded?"
"Do you think this dress is cute?"
"I think you're retarded."
Retarded, retarded, retarded. Did you get it out of your system yet? Probably not, but I wish you would.
In our hyper politically-correct world, we've eliminated "fag", "Indian" and "nigger" from our everyday derogatory language, but "retard" seems to still be stickin' around. Why is that? Is it because those who are mentally challenged don't know what "derogatory language" is? Is it because you don't think they have the mental capacity to understand that you're mocking them? Or is it just because you're too crude and immature to realize that you're hurting people around you; both those who are and are not "retarded"?
I was eight-years old when I realized the right and wrong way to use the word "retarded." Influenced by the slang my friends were using at the time, I described something to my mother as "retarded." She quickly scolded me to never let her, and especially my grandmother, ever hear me use that word again. At eight-years old I became aware of the weight this word carried and the negative connotation that followed it. The sad thing is that you might be in your 20s and 30s and still don't get it.
From that day forward I made it my personal responsibility to correct anyone and everyone who used the phrase in a negative way.
But don't apologize to me for your mistake. Say you're sorry to the ones you're making fun of and mocking. Say you're sorry to my uncle, Brian, who's sitting across the room with a frown on his face because he does understand what you're saying. He may have Down's Syndrome but as far as I'm concerned, if you call your friends "retards" you're the one that's stupid, not him.
These people that you're making fun of have hearts, big hearts, and they have more to offer than you might think. Want to learn how to appreciate the small things in life? Want to know how to set aside the fact that others may see you as weird but still remain content with yourself? Want to be able to wake up, head off to work with a smile on your face, and be energized about everything that lies ahead of you that day and every day?
My uncle Brian can teach you a few things about life and about yourself.
Lesson number 1: Take pleasure in the small things.
Yes, you own a BMW, sure you went to a Sweet 16 birthday party that was aired on MTV, and you may even have a wardrobe full of designer clothes. But who cares? These material things come and go and, in the long run, they don't matter much. What matters to Brain is the Christmas dinner that his mom and dad spend hours preparing. Sleeping over at my house on the weekends and laughing all night with my mom, dad, and sister. Listening to his brother do impressions of the Three Stooges, Sister Mary Clarence, and the Nutty Professor. This is what he looks forward to everyday-these simple things. And you know what? He's one of the happiest people I know.
Lesson number 2: Don't take yourself so seriously.
Brian's destination is that of many colors. He can be enjoying his time in Far Far Away, laughing at Donkey, asking "are we there yet" 100 times, and two hours later he's singing and dancing to Footloose. Now, I'm not suggesting you sit around and watch movies all day, although it can be pretty fun. What I am suggesting is that you to take a deep breath and relax every now and then. Don't be embarrassed about anything that makes you happy-if you're enjoying yourself, what else matters?
Lesson number 3: Wake up everyday with a smile on your face.
Brian's day starts out with eating breakfast and talking about having hotdogs and Pepsi for dinner. It's Monday and he's already excited about watching the football game on Sunday. He just got home from visiting his nieces in California and is already telling his sister and brother-in-law when he wants to go back to visit. He's content with nothing and enthusiastic about everything. While you're living in the moment, don't forget to look forward to the future. Whether it's dinner or graduation, realize that you have a lot of excitement ahead of you. Don't dwell on what's happened in the past; be excited about all your opportunities in the future. We complain about the hiccups in life, but try to see the good in every bump in the road.
Brian has taught me a lot over the 21 years he's helped raise me. Along the way, he's taught my closest friends just as much and impacted their lives in extraordinary ways that most people, unfortunately, don't get to experience. They love him like he's family, and he loves them just the same.
After many years of inspiration and long lasting smiles, my two best friends have decided to give a little something back to Brian. His 50th birthday party will be a night he'll never forget and will be talked about for years to come (even though MTV won't be playing reruns). High fashion, famous celebrities-all of Brian's favorites. The guest list includes Princess Fiona and Shrek, Simba and Nala, and a well-known Extra Terrestrial-just to name a few.
We're going to bring Brian's happiness to life with a party theme that represent his favorite characters and favorite moments in life-we have most of the costumes from previous nights of trick-or-treating with Brian. We won't be spending money on extravagant chocolate fountains or hip hop artists. The menu will consist of Chicago style deep dish pizza and lots and lots of Pepsi, and our entertainment will be witnessing Brian smile from ear-to-ear all night. He doesn't need a costume; he's already a main character in all of our lives.
So hopefully you've learned your lesson: Don't let the things you have (besides friends and family) define you. Make the things you do, the people you meet, and the impact you have on their lives be who you are.
When you see someone who is mentally challenged, don't feel sorry or sad for them, and don't make fun of them-realize you may have something to learn from them. And the next time you're thinking of using the word "retarded" to describe how drunk you got last night, keep this famous character, Brian Stortz, in your mind.
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