Ditz

Media Credit: Linni Kral

Media Credit: Linni Kral

Media Credit: Linni Kral

"Having sex with how many guys makes a girl promiscuous?"

This question was on a survey we were given by a friend for a research project on attitudes about gender. The really interesting part were the answers: 1-5 partners, 6-10, 11-15, 16-20, 21-25, or 26+. There was no option for not considering a girl promiscuous no matter how many guys she sleeps with. The question gave off the impression that if a girl has too much sex, she's a slut, it's just a matter of judging when it gets to be too much. The bigger matter for concern, though, is WHY IS THIS EVEN A QUESTION?

We've all heard the expression "life isn't fair." This couldn't be any more applicable than it is in regards to sexually active women today. We are constantly being forced to choose between being "girlfriend material"-embodying intelligence, fidelity, and sweetness, or "sluts"-being easy, loose, and disposable. We expect all guys to want sex all of the time, while it isn't acceptable for any women to be actively sexual. But if you happen to be a living, breathing member of our society, you would know that this dichotomy does not exist. There are men that are not sex-obsessed and women who can't get enough of it.

Unfortunately, people don't take notice of this. Men are still baffled and uncomfortable when they encounter a woman who desires and enjoys sex. We frequently find that if a woman expresses an appreciation for sex, she is not considered "girlfriend material." She has displayed a masculine quality, and so other stereotypically masculine qualities are automatically associated with her. She is thought of as being unwilling to commit, dominating, demanding, and somewhat frightening.

We see this discomfort when men express that they will not date a girl who has a promiscuous reputation. One way a girl gets this kind of reputation is by "going too far" on the first encounter with a guy. Just the other day, our female friend revealed to us that she chose not to have sex with a certain guy because she "really likes him" and does not want to ruin her chances. Take note that liking a guy results in not sleeping with him. By that reasoning, should we be sleeping with all of the losers who don't deserve us? Hmm…just a thought.

Anyway, our pal is not crazy in her thinking. When conversing with a male friend about sex, he expressed that if a girl has sex with him on the first date, he can never see himself seriously dating her. He said he couldn't trust her because her "excessive" sexual urges might lead to infidelity. This sounded like it was really about his insecurities, maybe worried that he wouldn't be able to satisfy a sexually experienced woman. Fearing the sexual woman seems to be a popular sentiment among men, as we heard this same rule last year in a conversation with a male senior at Oxy. He said it so matter-of-factly, like of course he could never get serious with a girl who was willing to explore her sexuality. Gasp! That sounds terrible. A woman who is genuine about her desires and brave enough to challenge gender norms? Repulsive.

Another issue with female sexuality is that it often acts to define us. If a woman wears revealing clothing, flirts openly with guys or has random hook ups, she is cast off as being a whore, an object who obviously cannot have any depth. A few weeks ago, at an off-campus party, a guy approached our friend saying that he found it difficult to reconcile the rumors about her sex life with her eloquence in the classroom. It was like he was asking how it could be possible that a woman can be sexual and still have a brain?

What we want to know is when did we become so one-dimensional in our thinking? Why can't a woman enjoy sex and learning? Is this so crazy for us to wrap our minds around? We are perfectly comfortable with men having both of these interests, so why the double standard for women?

The recurring theme here is a massive discomfort with women who enjoy sex. And it is not just men who are uncomfortable with this, but women, too. How many times have you heard women call other women sluts? We have all internalized the belief that women are supposed to serve someone else instead of being given some awesome sexual pleasure.

We will leave you with this thought: The next time you think of calling a girl a slut, stop and think about what has caused you to feel this way, and if you would feel the same way if a man were doing the same thing. If we're going to let a man have sex as he pleases, without coming away from it branded a whore, then damn it, we better let women, too! A woman should be able to give in to her urges and enjoy them without having to worry about the disapproval of her intolerant critics.

It's having your cake and eating it, too-and it is delicious.

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